💭 Learn, Unlearn, Relearn
Breaking free from norms that hold you back.
Every time I encounter a situation where people have adapted to certain behaviors over time, I’m reminded of a powerful idea: learn, unlearn and relearn. It’s a cycle that keeps resurfacing, especially when I see how deeply unaware people can be of the long-term consequences these adaptations have on their lives. On the surface, these behaviors might seem normal, even expected, because they’re rooted in culture, surroundings or trends that seemingly dominate modern day society, like the way social media shapes romantic expectations today. But dig deeper, and you’ll often find they’re quietly eroding fulfillment, especially in personal areas like relationships, where online interactions set unrealistic standards that don’t align with the foundations of healthy, lasting connections. People who don’t rely on social media, for instance, often build stronger bonds because their relationships aren’t tethered to fleeting digital norms and expectations. This cycle of learning, unlearning and relearning isn’t just a mental exercise; it’s a universal truth that can help anyone break free from norms that no longer serve their growth. Let’s look at it from 3 key angles: recognizing norms in various life aspects, unlearning what holds you back and relearning healthier approaches for true progress.
Recognizing Misguided Norms in Various Life Aspects
Across the globe, people adopt behaviors and mindsets that feel right because they’re the norm within their culture, community or online spaces. In relationships, for example, the trend of curating a “perfect” romance on social media has become a standard many chase. Couples might feel pressure to post every milestone, from dates to anniversaries, because that’s what’s expected. But offline, in cultures where social media isn’t the centerpiece, relationships often thrive on quieter, more genuine moments, like shared laughter or unspoken trust, rather than public validation. This contrast shows how norms that feel universal can actually be at odds with what fosters real connection.
In interpersonal dynamics, consider the norm of always agreeing to avoid conflict, a trait common in many collectivist cultures. It might seem polite, but over time, it can lead to resentment or burnout if you’re constantly prioritizing others over your own needs. In business, the hustle culture glorified online often pushes people to overwork, equating exhaustion with success. Yet, in some European cultures, a balanced approach with shorter workweeks leads to higher productivity and well-being, challenging the idea that more hours equal more progress. Even in ways of thinking, old habits like assuming you must stick to a rigid career path because “that’s how it’s always been” can stifle growth, especially when the modern world rewards adaptability.
These norms, whether from culture, trends or surroundings, often go unquestioned because they’re so ingrained. But when they don’t lead to positive outcomes like feeling fulfilled in your relationships or career or find yourself in repeated cycles and patterns, it’s a sign they might be outdated or misaligned with what truly supports your well-being. The first step is noticing where these patterns exist and ask yourself: Is this moving me forward, or holding me back?
Unlearning What Holds You Back
Unlearning is the toughest part of this cycle, because it means letting go of what feels familiar, even if it’s not serving you. It’s about questioning the behaviors and mindsets you’ve adopted because they were the norm, and being honest about their impact on your life. In romantic relationships, unlearning might mean stepping away from the idea that constant online validation, such as likes or comments on a post, equals a strong connection. This norm, fueled by social media, can create pressure to perform rather than connect, leaving you unfulfilled if your partner doesn’t engage in the same way. Healthy relationships often grow through private moments of vulnerability, not public displays. Unlearning this expectation can free you to focus on what truly strengthens your bond, such as enjoying quality time together and having meaningful conversations.
In interpersonal dynamics, unlearning might involve challenging the habit of people-pleasing. If you’ve grown up in a culture where saying “no” feels rude, you might be sacrificing your own boundaries to keep the peace. But this can lead to relationships where your needs are overlooked, stunting your emotional growth. In business, unlearning the glorification of overwork means recognizing that constant grinding might be burning you out rather than building success. Old habits, like sticking to rigid routines because “that’s how it’s always been done,” can also keep you stuck. For instance, if you’ve always approached problem-solving with a fixed mindset, believing you’re either good at something or not, you might be missing out on growth opportunities that come from embracing challenges.
Unlearning requires you to pause and reflect on whether these norms are helping you thrive. If your approach to relationships, social interactions or even your own thinking feels more like a weight than a wing, it’s time to let go. This doesn’t mean rejecting your culture or past entirely; it’s about releasing what no longer aligns with your growth and well-being.
Relearning Healthier Approaches for True Progress
Relearning is where the magic happens, it’s about replacing misguided norms with approaches that foster genuine progress. In relationships, this might mean building a foundation based on real-life connection rather than digital expectations. Instead of seeking validation through social media, you focus on creating shared experiences, like cooking together or having honest conversations, that deepen your bond. Couples in cultures less influenced by online trends often prioritize these moments, showing that lasting love grows through presence, not performance. Relearning here means valuing what makes your relationship unique, not what makes it “look” successful to others.
In interpersonal dynamics, relearning involves setting boundaries that honor your needs while still respecting others. If you’ve unlearned the habit of always saying “yes,” you might start practicing assertive communication, saying “no” when needed and offering alternatives that work for both sides. This creates healthier relationships where mutual respect drives connection, not obligation. In business, relearning might look like adopting a balanced approach to work, prioritizing rest and creativity over endless hustle. Some of the most innovative minds globally thrive by working smarter, not harder, proving that progress comes from well-being, not exhaustion. For ways of thinking, relearning could mean embracing a growth mindset, where you see challenges as opportunities to learn rather than proof of failure. This shift can open doors in every area of life, from career to personal hobbies to relationships.
The beauty of relearning is that it’s not about following someone else’s rules; it’s about finding what works for you in a way that feels progressive and fulfilling. If your approach to relationships, social dynamics or personal habits isn’t moving you forward in a positive way, reassess it. Look at how it’s holding you back, whether it’s creating distance in your relationships, stifling your growth or keeping you stuck in old patterns. Then, explore what other cultures, communities, or even your own instincts might teach you about a healthier way forward. Over time, this cycle of learning, unlearning and relearning becomes a natural part of how you grow, helping you build a life that’s truly yours, not just a reflection of the norms around you. Deep down, you might feel the pull to follow the crowd to fit in, but take a moment to check in with yourself. If that path truly brings you fulfillment, great! Keep doing what feels right for you. If it doesn’t sit well, it’s okay to step back and reorganize your priorities on your own terms. At the very least, doing so will allow you to gradually find your way towards what truly matters to you in the long run.
At the end of the day, it's YOU that will have to live with the results of your decisions 5, 10, 20 years and onwards from now. No one has the power to hold you back longer than you hold yourself back. Can you live with that?